Blue Etiquette

Tattoo your name across my lips

Drive your kiss through my chest

Crack my ribs in your embrace

I want you to destroy me

In the most beautiful way

R.R.

How am I supposed to be everything they expect me to be? She needs me, but I know they need me too. God, give me the strength to do what you created me to do.

I was purging the one thing I had eaten today.

And while I was kneeling on my bathroom floor, crying, I asked myself "why are you doing this."

I don't even have an answer anymore.  It's just who I am.  I am nothing without an eating disorder.

I'm going to sleep in one of your old shirts tonight

Because I miss you and because I can.

Maybe I'll have dreams of us together again in your apartment, doing absolutely nothing together, but still having it mean everything.

I can feel myself getting bad again.

There's something about summer, that makes everything worse.  I see all these girls with long, thin legs, and I am filled with envy.  I thought I was getting better, but now that is shot to all hell.

Problems with writing

• Having a beginning
• Having an ending
• But WHERE’S THE MIDDLE?!?
• HOW DO I GET TO THE ENDING
• WHAT IS A PLOT
• WHAT ARE PLOT DETAILS
• WHAT IS WRITING

And most importantly:

• HOW DO I TITLE

Found

As I walked down the steps

I saw that the evening was

Not quite over

The tears coursed down her cheeks—

Not freely, however, for when

They came into contact with her

Heavily beaded eyelashes

They assumed an inky color,

And pursued the rest of their way

In slow black rivulets

Under the dripping,

Bare lilac trees

She stood, smeared with tears

We slipped briskly into an intimacy

From which we both never recovered

Through gasping, broken sobs

In a chocking murmur, she said

“I like large parties, they’re so intimate.

At small parties you never get

Any privacy.”

I was scared, I can tell you;

I’d never seen a girl like that before.

I almost made a mistake

And left her under the dripping,

Bare lilac trees

But I stayed

I was curious for the inky stains

On her delicate face

I was intrigued by her

Low, thrilling voice

My curiosity must have been visible

Because a ghostly laughter escaped her lips

Her face was sad, but lovely

With bright things in it,

Bright eyes and an excitement in her voice

That I still find hard to forget

Five years later, under blossomed lilac trees

The day was broiling, certainly the warmest

Of the summer

I handed her a band of dull gold

Promising my unwavering devotion

The tears coursed down her cheeks—

Not freely, however, for when

They came into contact with her

Heavily beaded eyelashes

They assumed an inky color,

And pursued the rest of their way

In slow black rivulets

Twinkle-bells of sunshine

Illuminated her face

No traces of sadness, just loveliness

Her bright eyes and bright,

Passionate mouth, the excitement in her voice

I still find hard to forget

I do not know, even to this day

Of the exact reason

Why she was crying

Under the bare, dripping lilac trees

But I do know that

It had not been merely the stars

To which I had aspired on that night

R.R.