Blue Etiquette

Tattoo your name across my lips

Drive your kiss through my chest

Crack my ribs in your embrace

I want you to destroy me

In the most beautiful way

R.R.

Found

As I walked down the steps

I saw that the evening was

Not quite over

The tears coursed down her cheeks—

Not freely, however, for when

They came into contact with her

Heavily beaded eyelashes

They assumed an inky color,

And pursued the rest of their way

In slow black rivulets

Under the dripping,

Bare lilac trees

She stood, smeared with tears

We slipped briskly into an intimacy

From which we both never recovered

Through gasping, broken sobs

In a chocking murmur, she said

“I like large parties, they’re so intimate.

At small parties you never get

Any privacy.”

I was scared, I can tell you;

I’d never seen a girl like that before.

I almost made a mistake

And left her under the dripping,

Bare lilac trees

But I stayed

I was curious for the inky stains

On her delicate face

I was intrigued by her

Low, thrilling voice

My curiosity must have been visible

Because a ghostly laughter escaped her lips

Her face was sad, but lovely

With bright things in it,

Bright eyes and an excitement in her voice

That I still find hard to forget

Five years later, under blossomed lilac trees

The day was broiling, certainly the warmest

Of the summer

I handed her a band of dull gold

Promising my unwavering devotion

The tears coursed down her cheeks—

Not freely, however, for when

They came into contact with her

Heavily beaded eyelashes

They assumed an inky color,

And pursued the rest of their way

In slow black rivulets

Twinkle-bells of sunshine

Illuminated her face

No traces of sadness, just loveliness

Her bright eyes and bright,

Passionate mouth, the excitement in her voice

I still find hard to forget

I do not know, even to this day

Of the exact reason

Why she was crying

Under the bare, dripping lilac trees

But I do know that

It had not been merely the stars

To which I had aspired on that night

R.R.

Solitude and Loneliness

Solitude is reading your favorite book

Or walking through a park

Solitude is looking out of a train window

With your headphones on

But loneliness is when you realize

You have no one to tell about

The ending of that book

Or the birds you saw on that walk

Loneliness is when no one is sitting next to you

On that train

R.R.

Midwinter

I want to take all those tiny pills

But if I don’t wake up

I’ll kill everyone else

Too.

R.R.

Unisom

And I can feel my monster

Pulling me back down

I can hear his words telling me the brutal truths

That I’ve been trying to avoid

I’ve scarred up my hips

But this time it won’t be enough

My monster is telling me

To go through this time on

What I’ve been too scared to do

R.R.

Third Floor Apartment

Remember when you held me so close

Whispered you loved me

And kissed me until sunrise

Remember when I had you laughing

At the dumbest jokes

And captured your smile with my own

Remember when I was your moon and stars

When your fingers laced with mine

And everything was right in our little world

Remember when you made all those beautiful promises

Spun me tales of our own happy endings

And I believed every syllable

Remember when I thought

That me and you would always be a we

And you thought so too?

R.R.

Happy Birthday

Wax from the candles drips on my cake

I blow them out and wish silently

That this will be the last time

I have to do this

They all clapped unaware

That I’ll always be sweet sixteen

R.R.

Sixth Cup of Coffee

I had you memorized

Like the favorite verse

Of my once favorite poem

I had you memorized

I once knew every contour of your body

Every angle of your face

I had you memorized

I was fluent in your quirks

You used to be my favorite verse

R.R.

Don't Forget

I grabbed your hand first

But you were the first

To say that you were in love

I might have kissed you first

But you were the first

To walk away

R.R.

Sunshine, You Were My Only Sunshine

My skies a grey

R.R.

Thinsignificant

I don’t have friends anymore

My hair is brittle

Just like my nails

I cringe when I look in mirrors

I can’t stand putting on my jeans

I don’t know when I’ll be satisfied

My eyes are dead and dull

My laugh is forced and faltering

I’m empty as this bottle of pills

But it’s all insignificant

R.R.

2/20/13

I want to run so far away

Run away from everything

I want the wind to take me

Somewhere far away from here

I want to go where no one knows me

I want to be as invisible as I feel

Please get me out of this town

Please get me out of this mind

Please get me out of this body

I want to run away

And I don’t want a single person
To chase after me

R.R.

Valentine's Day

Lined white paper

I carried it around in my pocket

All day

Just in case you wanted to talk to me

I kept checking to make sure it was there

Just in case you decided to smile at me today

She's got a flower

Just as pretty as her

I watched you chase after her

Like you always wanted to

I watched her smile at you

Like I used to

Crumpled white lined paper

Song lyrics that reminded me of you scribbled on it

I take it out of my pocket

And shove it in a desk drawer

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it now

R.R.

Sapphic

She smells like winter and stale cigarettes

She’s got this smile that makes me melt

I could so easily tangle myself up in her hair

I want to hold her hand every second of every day

I’m slow dancing with some boy

He’s got his hands on my waist

My head is on his shoulder

The entire time I’m watching her dance

He has real pretty blue eyes

Any girl would be lucky to have him

But not me

I don’t want him

I only want her

R.R.

Static Noise

I would love to have you scream

I would love for you to scold me

Tell me all I’ve done wrong

I want to see anger fill your eyes

I want you to spit in my face

Tell me that it’s all my fault

I need you to say something

I need you to say anything

Tell me how horrible I am

I don’t care

Anything and everything

Would be better than this silence

R.R.

Oh, Wow

Wide eyes

Amazed by the smallest things

What I’d give to be wonderstruck

By the simplest things

What I’d give to not have this constant racket
Inside of my brain

R.R.

Nature

Take a cue from nature

Pick daffodils

Sing with the birds

Dance in empty fields

Run in the rain

Listen to the crickets at night

Tune out all of the material possessions

That humans have composed themselves of

And you’ll hear what happiness is

You’ll see the majesty in creation

R.R.

Distaste

You tell lame jokes

Your teeth are crooked

You need a haircut

You have an ugly laugh

You’re clinically insane

You don’t have friends

You like to stay inside all day

You have no confidence

You’re incredibly irritating

I don’t like me

That’s what makes it so easy

To understand

Why you don’t either

R.R.

Just Friends

I don’t smile anymore

So don’t you tell me

That we can just be friends

R.R.

Depression Can Be Romantic In a Certain Sense

My world isn’t black and white

It’s all just gray

Fifty shades of it

See, I might be depressed

But I can still make jokes

You can still smile when you’re hurting

You can still laugh when you’re empty

I’m swimming in this ocean of gray

Colorless as an old film

The only Technicolor in my life

Is the crimson splash

On porcelain

R.R.