Third Floor Apartment

Remember when you held me so close

Whispered you loved me

And kissed me until sunrise

Remember when I had you laughing

At the dumbest jokes

And captured your smile with my own

Remember when I was your moon and stars

When your fingers laced with mine

And everything was right in our little world

Remember when you made all those beautiful promises

Spun me tales of our own happy endings

And I believed every syllable

Remember when I thought

That me and you would always be a we

And you thought so too?

R.R.

Happy Birthday

Wax from the candles drips on my cake

I blow them out and wish silently

That this will be the last time

I have to do this

They all clapped unaware

That I’ll always be sweet sixteen

R.R.

Sixth Cup of Coffee

I had you memorized

Like the favorite verse

Of my once favorite poem

I had you memorized

I once knew every contour of your body

Every angle of your face

I had you memorized

I was fluent in your quirks

You used to be my favorite verse

R.R.

Don't Forget

I grabbed your hand first

But you were the first

To say that you were in love

I might have kissed you first

But you were the first

To walk away

R.R.

Sunshine, You Were My Only Sunshine

My skies a grey

R.R.

Thinsignificant

I don’t have friends anymore

My hair is brittle

Just like my nails

I cringe when I look in mirrors

I can’t stand putting on my jeans

I don’t know when I’ll be satisfied

My eyes are dead and dull

My laugh is forced and faltering

I’m empty as this bottle of pills

But it’s all insignificant

R.R.

2/20/13

I want to run so far away

Run away from everything

I want the wind to take me

Somewhere far away from here

I want to go where no one knows me

I want to be as invisible as I feel

Please get me out of this town

Please get me out of this mind

Please get me out of this body

I want to run away

And I don’t want a single person
To chase after me

R.R.

Valentine's Day

Lined white paper

I carried it around in my pocket

All day

Just in case you wanted to talk to me

I kept checking to make sure it was there

Just in case you decided to smile at me today

She's got a flower

Just as pretty as her

I watched you chase after her

Like you always wanted to

I watched her smile at you

Like I used to

Crumpled white lined paper

Song lyrics that reminded me of you scribbled on it

I take it out of my pocket

And shove it in a desk drawer

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it now

R.R.

Sapphic

She smells like winter and stale cigarettes

She’s got this smile that makes me melt

I could so easily tangle myself up in her hair

I want to hold her hand every second of every day

I’m slow dancing with some boy

He’s got his hands on my waist

My head is on his shoulder

The entire time I’m watching her dance

He has real pretty blue eyes

Any girl would be lucky to have him

But not me

I don’t want him

I only want her

R.R.

Static Noise

I would love to have you scream

I would love for you to scold me

Tell me all I’ve done wrong

I want to see anger fill your eyes

I want you to spit in my face

Tell me that it’s all my fault

I need you to say something

I need you to say anything

Tell me how horrible I am

I don’t care

Anything and everything

Would be better than this silence

R.R.

Oh, Wow

Wide eyes

Amazed by the smallest things

What I’d give to be wonderstruck

By the simplest things

What I’d give to not have this constant racket
Inside of my brain

R.R.

Nature

Take a cue from nature

Pick daffodils

Sing with the birds

Dance in empty fields

Run in the rain

Listen to the crickets at night

Tune out all of the material possessions

That humans have composed themselves of

And you’ll hear what happiness is

You’ll see the majesty in creation

R.R.

Distaste

You tell lame jokes

Your teeth are crooked

You need a haircut

You have an ugly laugh

You’re clinically insane

You don’t have friends

You like to stay inside all day

You have no confidence

You’re incredibly irritating

I don’t like me

That’s what makes it so easy

To understand

Why you don’t either

R.R.

Just Friends

I don’t smile anymore

So don’t you tell me

That we can just be friends

R.R.

Depression Can Be Romantic In a Certain Sense

My world isn’t black and white

It’s all just gray

Fifty shades of it

See, I might be depressed

But I can still make jokes

You can still smile when you’re hurting

You can still laugh when you’re empty

I’m swimming in this ocean of gray

Colorless as an old film

The only Technicolor in my life

Is the crimson splash

On porcelain

R.R.

Everyday

I can’t keep this up

I can’t keep this up

I can’t

I’m can’t do this, I’m f

                                      a

                                            l
                                           l
                                              i
                                                   n
                                                      g
                                                             Apart, ripping at the seams

                                                             You were the stitches holding together my scars
                                                             But I’m coming apart
                                                             And my sutures are nowhere to be found
R.R.

Scott, Again

I’m sorry I couldn’t be

A better me for you

I’m still a frazzled mess

I understand why you left

I’m even worse these days

I’m just as neurotic, if not more

I’m sorry I couldn’t be

A better me for you

My best wasn’t good enough

Not enough to make you stay

I’m sorry

R.R.

Ana

She’s such a pretty girl

Tall and thin, long blonde hair

I’m so lucky to be her friend

Ana is a real beauty

She’s got real big blue eyes

And nice long legs

I wish I could look like Ana

Ana is so pretty

But I rarely see her smile

I’ve been spending more time with her

She says I can be just as beautiful as her

I hope she’s right

Ana is my best friend

I can’t borrow her clothes yet though

They’re too small for me

But she promised they’ll fit soon

I hope she’s right

I want to look just like Ana

R.R.

Empty Field

Blanket of cold snow

You walked in front of me

So I could walk in your footprints

You’re gone now

Whose footprints am I going to follow?

R.R.

Deeper Down

My joints are swollen and red

Arthritis has manifested my hands and wrists

I can barely hold a pen

I’m in so much pain

The lightest touch makes me scream

I’m so sensitive to everything

Even the light hurts my delicate body

I’m hurting more and more each day

My stomach is churning

Full of nausea and acid

I can’t keep any food down

I’m wasting away

But none of this is as bad as

The hole you left in my heart

As much as my own body kills me

It doesn’t compare to how much you do 

R.R.